If you're looking for a compelling history or reams of archives, you won't find it here. Many years ago I had a livejournal, and what you read below was my very first blog post. Blogging was a great help for me as I began to carve out my path in life and figure out who I wanted to be. I received a tremendous amount of guidance and support from my friends on livejournal and in the general blogosphere as I crafted and revised a lot of life decisions. Though I value the time I spent having those online dialogues, I've decided to spare the general public from the earlier conversations. (You're welcome!)
I'm starting a "fresh" blog as I embark on the next stage in my life and career. Thank you for checking out my blog, and happy reading!
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As I was sorting through elements from a finished relationship - bits and pieces of things - memories - I felt as though I was sorting through clusters of egg shells - shards and shards- casings of something that isn’t there- I don’t like the little things.
the anniversaries. the trinkets. the cards.
They are all shells.
Shells that are supposed to remind us of something good that was there.
Boxes full of eggshells can’t hide the hollowness inside. Boxes full of casings can’t create something to hold them up.
Either it is there, or it is not.
We create shells all the time. We create shells to feign importance where there really is nothing. We create shells to hide the people that we really are. We create shells to protect ourselves from other people. We create shells to dull reality because for some reason, we often think it is the shell that matters most. We are fooled by shells because we think it is an accurate representation of what’s inside … but it isn’t. I want to remove all the shells from my life, and have only the things that matter. I want to remove all my shells and be myself, whoever that is.
This live journal is either a really bad idea, or a really good idea.
Here is me as I try to be without my shells.